So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
