Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
