just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
