Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
