I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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