Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
