So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
