so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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