I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
