we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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