I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
