I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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