I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
