The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
