I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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