Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
