Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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