had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
