So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
