My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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