Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
