she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
