I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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