If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
