soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
