She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
