Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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