her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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