I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
