just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
