so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
