I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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