She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
