wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Everything about him screamed your future.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
