No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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