Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
