Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
