census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
