I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
