How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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