I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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