you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
