Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
