you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
