Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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