with your own penis?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
