He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
