there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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