You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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