did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
