It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
