Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You are the jesus of drinking
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
