Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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